The shift in seasons is bringing with it a new shift in priorities.
I find I am hungry for more time.
More time to think, to read, to write, to create, to be with my Loves.
But shifting my schedule - anyone's schedule - is a big deal. No paltry task.
We are made of deep routine and those routines are the glue and binding that keep schools and relationships and projects moving forward. In this agreement to move through my days at arranged places and arranged times, I am able to intersect my day with yours. I build my schedule to be available: me to you and you to me. And this intersection inhabits all the communities we touch; into our finances, our neighborhoods, our health and our hearts.
Change that is deep and meaningful will often disrupt other people's schedules, their expectations of us. None of this is easy. And we are considerate, responsible souls looking to find stability and traction in our lives.
It is easy to mistakenly hold ourselves accountable to others and never truly land in the vocation or the location of our desires. But that means that if our experiences feel mediocre or worse, we are passengers of our guesses at other people's desires - instead of captains of our own dreams and actions. As a consequence, we may feel resentful. We may notice other successes besides our own. We may compare and judge our inner-selves against the appearance of others and leak energy and imagination unnecessarily.
Weekend #3 of The Restoration takes us into Discernment; noticing for ourselves where we need to go, what conversations must happen, what choices are to be made to move with wisdom and grace. All our abilities are at play: we move our bodies to build our will, to stand in our decisions with poise; we clear the old and welcome what will come, building willingness and processing the emotions that accompany change; we anchor into our stillness until we can feel the connection and the guidance that exists beyond our personal perspectives.
So, the type of change I am longing for recently is one that requires a courage to interrupt and to re-establish new, unknown patterns - even though it may affect others. I start to ask: "What if..." What if I had more time? What if I listened into my week, into my body, where does it feel heavy and exhausted? Where is it light and inspired? How to release the weight and amplify the light? At first, each time I did this I ran into "I can't..." and it would be because I couldn't imagine past the routine I've already established. It felt like the only way. Change would mean going backwards somehow.
But continuing to listen to my body and my tone of voice and my fatigue, it became easy and clear. My body led my mind. From the outside it seems simple to drop a class, to make some space. But that class is made of souls, that I have met and who have trusted me to be a consistent teacher. It affects me financially. It affects my relationship with my company. I want to show up all of it. I want it to stay the same. Yet shifting one thing opens many others. (Have you felt this? The longing for change, the discomfort of pushing your own inner lever to make the move? Oh, the time it takes for me sometimes is ridiculous.)
Simply put, Daniel Rahayel will teach Sunday night Federal Hill 6:30pm class in my place until December.
By releasing one thing that I was sure I couldn't, meant an opening for 2 new things:
1. Time for more privates with you. If interested, the best slots I have are Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Filling fast, so let me know if you want a spot. $100/hr at my apartment in Ellicott City. Totally worth the drive for the river, trees, and the light.
2. Sunday mornings with Lululemon to teach an hour of intensity and play that lands in a juicy rinse and rest. Should be a time to sweat and laugh and shake out the week in good company. I've wanted to do this for months now but it never fit. Now it does. See you there! Likely starting late November. Watch FB and Instagram and this newsletter for dates.
You can make change.
You need to make change.
This is how we grow.
It is scary and affects others and that gets scarier still.
We fear failure.
We fear ridicule.
But we can do it.
Your practice will help.
I can't wait to see what you choose,
and how you grow.
Drop in on The Restoration next weekend for more, or see you in studio class, or online Facebook Live Monday mornings 7-7:30am.